Things That Annoy Me About (wanna be) Therapists

1. They stare at you for too long, which makes them seem psychotic.

2. They don't seem sincere/controlled emotions. For instance, they laugh at weird times or in weird ways or they smile for too long with that creepy stare.

3. The lean in "too close" to listen to what you are saying, which may be something stupid but they lean in as if you are defending your dissertation.

4. They go "deep" into a non important issue and put psychological labels on them.

5. They won't tell you anything about themselves and avoid any personal questions.

6. They are "too sensitive," they get insulted by the truth. They see it as rude and insulting.

7. Some become so desensitized that they don't give a shit about people anymore and become downright nasty.

8. They speak in really low voices.

9. They analyze you in their own terms which is their way of just being judgmental, they use words like "manipulative" or "passive aggressive" that most people aren't 100% aware of the definition and can't argue fairly because of the lack of the psych dictionary.

10. They let people whine and call it "progress."

11. When you beat yourself up they call it "awareness" and they tend to whine themselves....victims.

12. If you have healthy self esteem and show it, they always say something about it and get weird about it.

13. No clarity on results. They let you know when you've made progress and don't leave it up to you.

I am not saying that ALL therapists or wanna be therapists are like this. So those of you therapists that are reading this and getting defensive, get over it and don't do these things. You will be much more effective by being a real, genuine person. People aren't dumb, we can see through each other. Have Faith.

Thanks for stopping by.

Day 13 without a smoke

I am on day 13 of no smoking. The first 3 days were HELL. I felt the nicotine withdrawal throughout my whole body. At one point, I felt it in my fingertips.
The worst thing about it was the moodiness and the PMS-like symptoms. I would cry for no reason, then laugh, then be sad, then beat myself up for not being emotionally stable, then be angry at others for not supporting/comforting me then back to beating myself and all the rest. I cried a lot the first few days.

Then it was breaking old habits. The worst were not smoking with my morning coffee, in the car, after food and when I got upset. I have probably gained 5 lbs in the past two weeks but I know that will even out eventually. Chocolate has been my best friend.

So a lot of people have been asking me "why quit now?" Well, I have a few reasons for that too. The main reason is I want to have kids in the near future and don't want to have to quit AFTER I find out I'm knocked up. Another reason is because I felt controlled by ciggies, don't get me wrong, I HEART them a lot and miss them but I had to break up with them before it was too late. A problem that many people have in bad situations.

I quit on 11/22, I like that date, double digits, 11...22...33..44 it just sounded good to me. It really doesn't matter what date you chose, just that you chose the date and follow through.

I have quit smoking many times and I know that it won't stop being difficult but I do know that it will get easier with time.

Here are some things to think about when quitting:

1. Pick a date that works for you. If you are the kind of person that always says you'll diet on monday and monday comes and goes, quit on any other day but monday. If you know you will be going to Las Vegas next week, wait till you come back. Set yourself up to win. There is no IDEAL date but there is a reasonable one.

2. Announce it to people. If you tell people about it, you will first see their reaction and you will learn something about your interaction with them. One person told me "don't be a quitter" and made sad faces everytime I would mention quitting. I wonder if she really cares about me. Well, I quit anyway and she has to deal with not having a smoking buddy anymore.

3. Don't reward yourself with cigarettes. The other day I thought to myself "wow, I've done a great job so far, I'll have a ciggie to celebrate" I didn't do it because I knew that it wouldn't end there. As some person said "don't solve the problem with the problem."

4. Think about your higher purpose. Why are you REALLY quitting? This is the most important part because you will have to keep that higher purpose in mind when it gets tough.

5. Ask yourself: What kept you committed to smoking? If you were avoiding something or masking something or whatever your reason was, be aware of it and start dealing with it. It sucks and it's hard and it will stay as long as you let it.

6. Don't be righteous. Just because you quit smoking doesn't make you better than the people you were smoking with a few days, months ago. They will quit when they are ready, if they are ever ready and you will just be that annoying person who nobody wants to talk to anymore. Also, you may relapse and start again some day so just shut up and deal with your own issues don't work on anyone else's.

7. Put the money you would've spent into an envelope. You will see how much you used to spend and buy something with it as a reward (not cigarettes).

8. Don't start again. After years of quitting and starting up again, I have noticed that it's harder as time passes. Every time I have quit has been harder than the last so just stick to it and save yourself the grief.

Just remember: don't kill, hurt or break up with anyone during the first month.

Good Luck.

Mind

Today, I got a fortune cookie that read "If you never change your mind, why have one?" I've always wanted a t-shirt that read "I have the right to change my mind at any moment." People don't like when we change our minds but I do have to make a distinction here.

There is a difference between changing your mind and not keeping your word and being self serving. I guess what I'm getting at is, You have the right to change your mind at any moment, however staying in integrity and knowing that your decisions will be affecting others is important.

Today, my mom let us know that she either needs to increase our rent our we need to move. We are upset because she is always flip flopping. We have decided that we'll be moving in January. We don't want to have to live according to her moods and we can have more boundaries with her if we are not renting from her.

I'm pissed at her for not keeping her word and staying in integrity but this is exactly the thing I needed to get me moving forward.

All in all, this is all good.

Relationship Haters

I haven't been around lately. Yeah, I've fallen in love.

It pisses me off when my friends say "oh, that's what happens when you are in a relationship" or start blaming me for shit I didn't do because I have a boyfriend.

It's interesting that only my single friends have been saying these things. Examples of what has been said:
1. Single girlfriend: "why haven't you approved my myspace comment?"
Me: "Oh yeah, I haven't checked it in awhile, I'll do it later today."
Her: "Sure you will. That's what happens when you have a boyfriend, you stop checking your myspace page."

2. Me: "Ugh, I've gained so much weight, I wish I liked going to the gym."
Single Friend: "That's what happens when you are in a relationship."
Me: "What? but he has lost so much weight!"
Her: "yep."

3. Me: "We've gotta go." (leaving a friends birthday party at a bar at 1:00am)
Single Friend: "Stay, it's still early"
Me: "yeah but we've had a long day and need to wake up early for work tomorrow."
Her: Sigh. "WE huh? That's what happens when you are in a relationship."

4. Me:"Wanna go out for drinks?"
Single Girlfriend: "What's Sven doing tonight?"
Me: "I dunno."
Her: "Don't you want to spend time with him?"
Me: "Huh? I'm asking YOU out for drinks. If you don't want to go just say no."
Her: "I'm too tired."
Me: "Ok. Gimme a call if you change your mind or on the weekend. I miss you"
Her: "Ok. I miss you too."

Later that week:
Single Friend: "hey let's go out for drinks."
Me: "I'm tired."
Her: "Yeah, that's what happens when you're in a relationship."

5. Me: "I haven't gone shopping or dressed up in awhile. I miss it."
Single Friend: "Yep. That's what happens when you're in a relationship."

Must See

I was typing in my friend's email address (only the beginning of course: bktink311) in the youtube search engine to see if any assholes videotaped her without her consent or if they caught her in one of her wonderful drunken stupors that I enjoy and I found this awesome Korean Movie that I'd like to see...and you will too (I will explain after you have seen the videos so be patient....now watch.



Now that you have watched the beginning of this awesome movie, and I know you did because you are a good listener, here are some important facts I gathered about the main character of the movie (in order of importance & sequence):

1. Bird Abuser
2. Drops Books
3. O Blood Type
4. Bossed Her Mom Around
5. Keeps Windows Open At All Times
6. Makes A Lot of Messes
7. Is Her Friend's Bitch
8. She Stalks Her Friend's Man

Looks like a movie worth watching. Enjoy!

Matching Shoes....ok, shut up now!

I just spent the last two days with my unsecret admirer. He massaged my legs, my arms, my back and my scalp for hours, cooked me a steak salad, gave me cute boy kisses in silly places, told me he loves me and that he's so happy with me and we took a nice walk together. He slept next to me in bed and we spooned. We haven't kissed yet and haven't been sexual, just flirty.

This morning I panicked. I got stressed that I haven't been getting anything done and suddenly felt suffocated. I told him how I felt, he said "ok. I'll back off." He always seems to say the perfect thing. Just when I think he's a stalker....he proves otherwise.

So after I went out to Souplantation (one of my favorite restaraunts) with my friend Lisa, I started thinking about him and thought it would be cool if we had matching converse.

I asked him his shoe size (13, a*hem wink wink) and asked him if he'd wear them. He told me he would if I drew on them like I did mine. I've got skillz so he has nothing to worry about.

Suddenly, after I purchased the shoes, I got this overwhelming feeling of fear. I thought "oh my god, I'm starting to like him...is he going to run away now?" Ever since then I've had this feeling in my stomach that says..."Rachel, don't fall for him because you'll get hurt." I thought that I was totally healed from the whole Gil Marriage-Divorce thing but apparently...it's coming up. I texted him after and he continues to say good things...whew.

Unsecret Admirer has been patient and told me that he will wait for as long as it takes. I hope I can trust that. He does make me feel safe but, really, I'm the problem here.